THOTS ON HORSES
Often times when we can’t see other people we try to distance ourselves in a way that puts the other person as far away from us as possible. It’s a clever way to justify crimes and injustices committed against that person or group. Just make them very separate from you you don’t have to see the humanity in them. it’s a way to excuse yourself from being empathetic to that person or group of persons. The resolution that one would find for someone that they love or considered a member of one’s community would be much different from that of someone seen as on outsider or not seen at all.
The hyphenation on American is the perfect proximity manager. Its a linguistic divider that acts as a bridge or train track to the ‘other type’ of American. They type that is so far that they almost aren’t. If they ‘aren’t’ then the dignity empathetic and inclusion awarded to those that are isn’t necessary for those that aren’t. The only non hyphenated Americans are white. Everyone else gets that nifty proximity managing hyphen. Case in point the original Native-Americans, the exploited African-American, Asian-Americans etc.
That like hyphen might as well be as long as a trail of tears. I would like to say it’s a celebration of heritage and perhaps sometimes it is, but I feel that it is used more often as a proximity to whiteness manager.
As language does, It’s evolved to reflect the guilt surrounding it. An example of this evolution is the outdated term ‘half-breeds’ which was used to identify people who were partially of the African diaspora and part white in the United States. Better translated “as half of you, half of me, kinda like a horse but not like me at all because I’m not like a horse, you are.”
My artist brain was thinking, wouldn’t the literal version of a half breed would manifest as a centaur? To put a literal figurative component to that particular term as most things that we try to distance ourselves from become so absurd.
Speaking of horses. As a kid I wanted a horse. I wanted to go horse back riding and do competitions like some rich girls I had recently read about. The closest I personally got to acquisition was my little ponies which were fine, because real horse aren’t pink and purple and do not have hearts in there eyes. Well, there was that one time when our next door neighbors from Mexico brought back 2 horse and kept them in their suburban southern California back yard. The whole block smelled like horse poo and all the kids from the elementary school would crowd the gate to see them.I didn’t want a horse any more it seemed silly. My grandmother was so annoyed and called the city and that was that the horses were gone. Don’t know where they went maybe sold to those rich girls I was reading about.
Perhaps because, I didn’t have a real horse or stable I figured only like 4 girls had that horsey life. Fast forward to college and I met those pony having girls. They were real. It was weird…it was a thing…and I wondered if they ever thought of girls who didn’t have horses. My conclusion is that it never crossed there pony having minds. At that point I was annoyed with my childself for putting so much thought into them.
CAREBEAR RUG NOTES
Thots on The care bear skin rug: The way that we love things is interesting. You'll meet an avid recreational hunter who will tell you how they love nature so much as they gaze upon taxidermy head on a wall. They love animals so much that they kill them and put them on the walls. It's a strange brand of love. This ownership destroy and conquer type of 'love'. I always find it fascinating the way that we revere things, sometimes to the point of annihilation. The care bear skin rug represents that fascination it's almost as if we can take our childhood simplicities, fantasies of share bear and brave heart bear and put them all together on a rug and put it in our living rooms and that'll be enough and proof of our dedication to peace and love.
OBSERVATIONS FROM GLOVER PARK WASHINGTON D.C.
Due to a bit of nudging from a travel mate we decided to stay in a 'safe' neighborhood. Generally, this means a predominately white neighborhood with wealth and this area did not prove wrong. These social settings require careful consideration, as the cloak of blackness creates a marker bringing on stares and overly friendly gestures that seem somewhere between overcompensation for discriminatory thoughts/past actions or nosiness as to why we are occupying white spaces in such a leisure manner. In super early hours of the morning I made tea, grabbed a book and sat on the front patio. I watched about 20 white dudes all wearing light blue button down shirts and khakis...actually all the dudes donned this uniform, leave well manicured homes, rush to their fancy cars parked in front of those homes and drive off. One of the duded even came out of the house i was staying at, fearfully replied hello to me and left. I then also watched about 15 black and brown women arrive and replace the Audis and bmws with old hondas and Fords. They then rushed into the same houses and come out with white babies in stroller.
I wonder if it has always looked that way. The dude Charles C. Glover, the namesake of the neighborhood, was a big banking dude, came from Dutch wealth and was pretty chummy with Pres. Roosevelt. In the development of the neighborhood, I wonder if black and brown women caring for white children was baked into the design of if, it's just left over from slavery.
This caste system is a tough one and it appears that the folks benifiting the most are just completely blind to it. There is nothing inherantly wrong with caring for another's child, and a job is a job, but there is something cringe worthy given the racial and gender 'uniform' of who does that job and who does other jobs.
So I'll be leaving some offerings, hopefully a reminder to share and 'see' and occupy space mindfully.
After writing this I went to go back into the airbnb only to discover the fearful dude rushing out had locked me out. Well I suppose he wanted to feel safe...at my expense.
Welcome to the capital.
READ A BOOK!
I just finished reading Trevor Noah's book, Casey Gerald's book, and Michelle Obama's book. Well actually the authors read the books to me. Which for these particular three books I feel was the best way to experience them.
They are all autobiographical and they all touch on societal discourse in a very genuine way. I'm grateful for all three of the authors for being so candid and sharing their experiences growing up and their viewpoints. Their perspectives are so important. My favorite out of the three was Casey Gerald book and the reason why is because I feel like he's touching on a truth he's unabatedly speaking about all of the contradictions that exist and how he has navigated them and some of the mental anguish that exists when trying to move through those spaces.
Trevor Noah's book those super entertaining and very funny seem that it was very important that every single issue story in episode end on a high note as if to give some white readers a glimpse of hope and the inclusive ,'I don't hate you but I think you can do better in the way that you do things' kind of vibe. That's cool and all but I'm just kind of not in the mood for creating roadmaps for people that I feel like I need to create road maps of solutions for themselves.
Michelle Obama's book seemed a bit guarded which I totally understand. She's a huge public figure and there's a lot to lose doing a book like this as far as just your sanity and your privacy so I appreciate that she did tell what she could tell and told it in her wonderfully eloquent way. I particularly enjoyed her description of moving into the White House and occupying that space as a family of color and as an underrepresented American family. I also appreciated her warnings of danger of classifying areas as ghettos.
Casey Gerald book I may have to get an actual tangible version of this book. He has so many quotables. I just absolutely love the way that he describes the feeling of his existence and all of these spaces from Yale, to home, to his relationships it's just a beautiful way of writing. I think he might hate this comparison, his writing makes me feel the way that James Baldwin's writing make me feel it's like a contemporary voice for these collection of experiences and emotion of contradictory ideas and expectations. If you can only pick one, read this book.
THE LYING PHOTOGRAPH
A photo was never enough. A photo couldn't tell the whole picture. It was as if a photo was just lie that everyone mistook as intrinsically 'the truth' because it looked so real. Perhaps that's why I love a collage and photo montage I love the idea of forcing the viewer to contend with, what you were showing them is not real it's altered. it's all a prospective. it always was a perspective.
My University had an amazing archival photo collection and one of my favorite things to do was to look at the contact sheets. one photographer in particular was Henri bressant's. he was always running around talking about his decisive moment. but that was a myth or a straight up lie because that decisive moment was only made possible by The moments before the moments after it and that one singling out that perfect frame. Making the decisive moment more like a decisive curation. I love a contact sheet, it speaks way more to the journey of what's happening than any single picture could ever do.
there's something about the dIstorted proportions of college that Force the viewer to contend with the curation of the image maker. It renders the image so impaired that it's impossible to take it as absolute truth.
though a photo should never be taken as absolute truth because there was always something that happened right before or right after to the left and to the right of what was captured in the frame. Often the sun and the mood itself is part of the conspiracy.